THERE’S nothing like a chuckle to brighten the gloom, and these days there’s not many to be had.

I have been sent some school children’s statements about the bible and there are some real rib ticklers.

The spellings have not been retouched or corrected: •Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

•The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the 10 commandments.

•The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

•The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

•The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

•David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

•Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

•The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

•The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.

•One of the opossums was St Matthew who was also a taximan.

•St Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.Christians have only one spouse, this is called monotony.

Out of the computers of babes...